April 14, 2003

Dear Dr. Beef,

I dont know who to ask, but [yo]u told me [yo]u can't start a gang on the [SiSSYFiGHT 2002] message board, so I'll ask [yo]u. Can I tell peeps about my website so I can make a role-playing gang to add more story to the game of SiSSYFiGHT? Also, can I use some images on my website from SiSSYFiGHT.com to advertise it and get more people to play?

thanx :)
- A SiSSYFiGHTER

Dear SiSSYFiGHTER,

Why would you want to start a cyber gang?

It seems to me that gangs are basically groups of people that want to belong, want to fit in, somewhere, anywhere. We all want to be liked, at least by someone; we all want someone who'll be there to watch our backs, to support us. Some more than others. I think most people who join gangs are insecure, or have trouble fitting in elsewhere, and find a gang to be a complete and instant support system. I also think that many get a power trip from the gang life - a feeling of superiority that they feel they'd otherwise not have the opportunity to experience in other aspects of their lives.

The web offers something that no other form of communication or community offers so freely - anonymity. In this anonymity, one can be whatever one wants. The painfully shy can be the life of the cyber party. The sexually inhibited can become the sexual deviant. The white suburban middle-class teen can become the badass gangsta.

So why would one feel the need to join or start a cyber gang to fit in? Therein lies the power trip. You want to be in charge. You want people to respect you. You want to be in control of some aspect of your life. You think this will give it to you.

Unfortunately, it won't. It may be fun for a little while, but when you log off the computer, it won't have given you anything substantial. Well, unless you have your cyber gang members pay you a monthly membership fee or send you homemade baked goods or canned hams. Then you'd have something, boy!

Of course, it could just be that you're not getting enough protein...


Dear Dr. Beef:

I am a vegan. How can I get my Weekly Protein?

Your friend,
- Veg-o-matic

Well, Veg,

I'm no nutritionist, but I do believe you can get your protein from peanuts which have been most cruelly ripped from their shells whilst still alive, then dry roasted in searing heat before being savagely crushed to an oily mush. Before the bastards mash them, you can still see the teeny leaves that were growing into lively happy plants when they were so heinously separated from their life force. No more delicious sunshine for these little unfortunate seedlings. No more refreshing water. No more cooling dirt. Nope. The fate of the peanut is indeed enveloped with pain and suffering.

If such atrocity is not to your tastes, you can obtain your weekly protein from this very site! We offer the finest, cruelty-free protein source available, and at no cost to you! Check DoctorBeef.com's own Weekly Protein often - for your health! It's good for you!

- Dr. Beef

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