By tripinthehed
datsur@hotmail.com

McGriddle.

What a gay ass name for food. Sounds like some kinda serial pederast that could be stalking the Bay Area. I can see the headlines now "The McGriddle has struck again! Four young kids were molested by the serial sex criminal the "McGriddle."

However, it is not a serial sex criminal. It is, in fact, the newest try by McDonald's in saving their sinking empire. McDonald's has failed to make a profit in something like five years, and with good reason. Their food sucks! They paved the way for fast food, only to be overtaken by their competitors. Call me sick, but I really get off on that idea. The only thing they make worth a damn is the chicken sammiches. That's only my opinion, but as this is my column and I can say any damned thing I want, my opinion is law here. I also have a soft spot for some of their breakfast stuff. I think their sausages have a nice spice to 'em, and their syrup goes real well with their eggs (eggs...HAW! they ain't foolin no one!).

But, I digress.

I go in there 'bout a week ago. I needed some breakfast. I was so hungry I coulda eaten the crotch out of a rag doll. So, naturally, that led me to go to McD's. I saw this new "McGriddle" thing and thought "Jesus, whatta gay fuckin name for a breakfast! but bein the adventurous lad I am, I got the meal to go. With coffee. And a side of bad service. I get to work and tear open my bag (coffee was long gone by the time I hiked it to my building) took a bite of it and ya know what? It was fuckin' good! The "buns" are basically pancakes...same taste and texture and the sausage was good, and the "eggs" as well. Also, the buns have a very distinct syrup taste to 'em. Needless to say, I was surprised that our happy friend the fucked up McD's actually got something right. I realize though, that McD's wouldn't know a good idea if it bit 'em in their ass (need I bring up the McRib?), so I'm sure they'll eventually scrap the serial pederast for something that is far inferior.

And the circle of life moves on.

On a somewhat related note, I recently purchased a CD from a recently signed band called "The Heavils." Ok...so it's not related at all. Sue me.

Hailing from Rockford, IL, I gotta say it's a very nice surprise to run into good new music these days. I'd rather not get into how much music sucks now, but I will say it's nice to see that even in today's fucked up corporate music machine, some good artists get thrown in the public now and then. They are signed to Metal Blade records, so it's a pretty far cry from being played on MTV, but I think I'd rather have my eyes ripped out than be seen on that fucked up station anyway. The Heavils - two basses, one guitar, one drummer, and a shitload of heaviness. They have a goofy sound that is reminiscent of Primus with such heavy overtones, it's almost like being kicked in the face over and over. But in the good way. Not only do these guys rip it up on CD, their live show is definitely their strong suit. Rarely do I see a band with such energy on stage. And the best part of it is when you are watching these guys play, it looks like they are having the time of their lives on stage. Energy like that easily spills into the crowd and they are born to overshadow any band they may open for.

The Heavils. On sale now. Get it. Or I'll kill you.

...and it's like that, bitch!

 

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