By tripinthehed

"Let it snow"
"Silver Bells"
"Here comes Santa Claus"

Ah yes, dear readers, the holidays are upon us. Jingle Bells, ho ho ho, chestnuts on the fire, stockings hung on the chimney and all that other happy horseshit. "Horseshit" being the key word. Would any of you be suprised if I said I hate the holidays? Indeed the end of fall to the begining of spring is a time of the year I wish I could just magically skip. So, naturally aruond this time, everything you see and hear is Christmas like. They jam it down your fucking throat. I was going to do my column on the holidays...on how much I hate it...on how commericalized it is... *yawn* Been done, though. So, I am going to do a complete 180 and give ya this tidbit of sheeite, served heaping full of anger and confusion in the great trip tradition... Hope ya enjoy.

So, I see this thing about Michael Jackson flinging his kid over a wall in Germany. People are all up in a huff about it. *Snicker* I can't believe the audacity of these people to be shocked. Michael Jackson acting like fruitcake? Him? Neeeever! The self proclaimed King of Pop needs to change his name to King of Weird and get it over with. What the hell is he, anyway? Know what I think? He's a clone. A genetic defect of the real Michael Jackson who is HEEHEEin his ass away in some labratory where they are making clones of him. Tons of em! Proof of this is looking at a picture of "Mike1" (from now on, I'll refer to the REAL Jackson by his proper name and the clones by Mike1). Ya see his nose? That's the clone slowly falling apart. See, clones can't survive for long periods of time exposed to oxygen. Not many people know this. That's why I'm here. I'm the fuckin answer man. So, we got Jackson being poked and probed by scientists who want his dance gene to create a clone of great dancing Jackson soldiers.

Meanwhile, all of America is slowly going insane. Each day the number of people swallowing away their souls with names like "Xanax," "Valium," "Prozac," etc., because some egghead told them they "have issues, dear." BULLSHIT! EVERYONE is fucked up! It's part of being human. Sadness, confusion,'s all natural. But these people think they need to "talk to someone" and want answers, so the only choice left is for these freaky-ass docs to give 'em medicine to make 'em docile like a lamb before the slaughter. They put their children on tons of behavior-altering drugs. Why? BECAUSE THEY'RE HYPER!! Can you believe this shit?? Goddamn, man, I was a hyper kid, but my parents had the decency to let me go, let me run around. Don't put the poor little bastard on something that'll wind 'im up so tight he's like a broken clock. "Here Timmy, we got you pills for Christmas because you are hyper and Mommy and Daddy don't want to deal with you. So we'll fuck up your head and put you in front of the TV so you can grow up to be a well-adjusted boy like your pa!" *pops pills*

Give me a fuckin break! I'm not saying that people don't need help and don't get depressed and whatnot. I am saying, however, that there are a helluva lotta people on shit that don't need to be. Be yourself! Be proud! Be fucked up, and enjoy it!

"You are all medicated into submission" - Great line, and how fitting for this society.

So we got a country taking legal drugs to turn their minds into mush, and we got science toying with a notorious pederaste, making dancing clones of him. And, what can ya do? Nothing really. Sit back, crack a beer, and watch it on the news. It may seem kinda sad at first, but remember, we are a species programmed on self destruction and the rape of nature. Learn to enjoy it cuz it's about all we got left. Crazies 'n' Clones! HELL YEA!

And it is 100%, unadulterated, like that. Bitch!

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